So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
