Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
