We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
