So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
