I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
