I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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