I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
