its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
