you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
