you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
