wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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