a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
