dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
