I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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