I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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