so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
