How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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