I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
