My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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