my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
