If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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