i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
