yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
