Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
