he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
