WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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