Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
