I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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