Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
