A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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