Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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