I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
