He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
