Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
