it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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