You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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