Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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