feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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