He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
