They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
