made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Still dying that you shit outside
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
