This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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