it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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