I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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