I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im holly from the hills drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
