So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
