Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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