Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
