Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
