He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
